GRLCLB does halloween

*applicable to all of life generally so being a weirdo that doesn’t like halloween is not a valid excuse to stop reading.

halloween is great. we get to be creative, have a laugh, and temporarily depart from the monotony, responsibility, and general pervasive existential dread that is adulthood. in the least patronising way possible, here are some things to consider that will prevent you from being a dick this year:

1. after 2 centuries of halloween costumes, originality is a stretch. if you think that any of your costumes have ever been the only such one on this planet of ~7,461,069,570 people then, statistically, you’re probs wrong. and, arguably, dressing up as a person/character/thing that already exists can’t possibly be original to begin with. i doubt kids in the 1800s were publicly shaming each other because more than one of them went as a ghost. your superiority is a buzzkill, chill tf out.
2. if girls going out dressed as glamorous hot cats annoys you, you probably need to take up a relaxing hobby like yoga or sudoku. we don’t all have the time, or the advance notice of an event, to construct elaborate costumes. we also don’t all have the luxury to spend loads of - if any - money on an outfit. almost every girl has black eyeliner for a nose & whiskers, and enough black in her wardrobe to require only a pair of ears - which you can pick up from any poundland. you put together a costume in 5 mins for £1 that means you can go out with your pals and have a good time? KUDOS TO YOU, QUEEN.
3. if girls going out dressed as sexy witches annoys you, you should consider, again, that aforementioned relaxation strategy. and then you should remember that an estimated 40,000-60,000 people throughout history were executed on suspicion of being a witch, and realise that, actually, change is good and you perhaps need to reevaluate your concerns.
4. if a girl’s talent lies in doing sickening makeup then she has every right to focus on that aspect of her costume, in lieu of making what she wears on her body the focal point. spending hours upon hours perfecting the sfx on her face ensures that she can wear something simple without being subjected to snide comments. next.
5. if you’re going as harley quinn this year: i bet you’re gonna look amazing, and i hope you have so much fun.
6. a timely reminder that ‘dressing slutty’ is a patriarchal construct that relies on female sexuality being tied to male entitlement based on what proportion of a woman’s body they can see. archaic and embarrassing. remember that you don’t need to wait for halloween for an excuse to ‘dress slutty’ - accentuate the bits of yourself that make you feel good every day and don’t let the haters stop you from doing your thang.
7. nothing - not ‘basic’ cats or slutty ghosts or hot witches - ruins halloween like cultural appropriation. in short: taking an aspect of a culture, that a person OF that culture has suffered as a result of throughout history, in order to benefit from it for one night, makes you a bit of a dick. blackface (how can it still be a thing), naughty navajo, geishas, bindis, dia de los muertos, the list goes on. ‘but it’s just fun!’ i hear you cry. not for the millions of minorities in western culture who have to spend the other 364 days of the year facing prejudice and injustice as a result of their culture - only to see many of the same white people who marginalise them because of their ethnicity galavanting around in their native dress. think trump-supporting douchebags echoing his beliefs about ‘rapist’ mexicans, then playing beer pong in sombreros on october 31st. it’s shitty and gross, and as vehemently as your white privilege might suggest otherwise, it isn’t just fun.